Having a girlfriend or boyfriend seems like something that can be cool to do because it is trendy among people our age. And you are wondering, is it really good? Is it a sin to have a girlfriend or boyfriend?
What Does Dating Mean Generally?
I checked Wikipedia, this is what it says about dating “dating is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It is a form of courtship, consisting of social activities done by the couple, either alone or with others.”
Well, I decided to check my dictionary app too, it’s saying nearly the same thing as Wikipedia.
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Dating is a form of romantic courtship typically between two individuals with the aim of assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse.
As much as this is the purpose of dating, one thing for believers, testing the waters so to say should not be a thing. It is not like you want to try a lot of ladies or guys, or jump from one lady/guy to another before you feel comfortable and now settle with one. To balance things up, this does not mean that you must marry anyone you date, relationships break for reasons like toxicity, abuse, medical incompatibilities, etc.
As believers, don’t just jump into romantic relationships, it’s done with the purpose and intent of marriage.
So let’s go see what God says about Christian teenage relationships or Christian teen dating.
What Does God Say About Christian Teen Dating or Having a Boyfriend/Girlfriend?
What’s God saying about Christian teen dating? Is having a boyfriend or girlfriend a sin in Christianity or whatsoever?
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We all know the Bible didn’t speak of anything specific about dating, not to say Christian teen dating.
But we are Christians with the Spirit of God, so we can get to know the mind of God on it.
Is it a Sin to Have a Girlfriend or Boyfriend?
As much as I want to shy away from answering if dating is a sin or not, I need to.
Dating itself is not a sin, it’s no sin. Dating is a form of relationship which should be done with marriage in mind.
Different people have their values informing how they see or what they do in a dating relationship with someone.
For some, it may be spending the night together or having s3xual relations, after a couple of dates.
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Probably when the relationship gets so a little boring, the couple dumps themselves and then goes for another individual.
This continues in chains till there’s an urge to stay with one of those who already tried or even give up trying or just settle with just one person.
That’s definitely not God’s will about relationships.
I know the Christian community in some specific countries may find the use of words like girlfriend or boyfriend weird, but it is just a lingual difference.
If you want to date, date with the intention of marriage – don’t date for fun. So if marriage is the intention, you will agree that it is gotta be serious, not casual
Can a Christian teenager date? Is Teenage Dating a Sin?
Many Christian teenagers ask these questions. Can I date you as a teenager? Can I have a girlfriend or boyfriend?
The answer is dependent on many factors which I’ll disclose in the next outline.
Well, if you live in the part of the world I am living in, here in Nigeria.
You’ll agree with me that some parents will totally not allow their teenagers to date either for religious or cultural beliefs.
So, it’s no good having a relationship or dating when your parents have specifically stated that you should not. So if you have to hide it, you should not do it.
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“If you need to hide to do it, you should probably not be doing it at all.”
I think I need to balance this.
Some individuals may decide to leave their parents out of their relationships, till they are about to wed or proposed to.
The individual preference is understandable. In this case, you should have someone like a mentor who will know about this relationship, and keep you accountable.
I’ll just state some important reasons why you should date or not date as a Christian teenager. So it will be left to you to make your choice.
Why a Christian Teenager Should Date or Not?
I want you to open up your mind here. Probably you have been in a relationship before now, use these things I’ll be talking about to check.
Perhaps you are planning to go into a relationship as a teenager, use these things as checks.
1. What is the intent or the motive?
I know you feel really awkward right now. Why do you really want to date? For fun or marriage? Do you see that future with this person?
You don’t? That’s rough, it’s like running without a target or direction.
Many Christian teen dating actually got no direction in their romantic relationship, and that’s not a good one.
If marriage is not the intent or the motive, there is no need for a dating relationship. The goal is to date to marry, not date haphazardly.
Why would you invest emotionally in someone without a purpose? It is a huge deal to forge on without any direction.
It’s most likely heading for a crash if the why of the relationship is not known.
Your reason for dating should be because you see a future with that individual, and you are convicted that you are meant to be with that person.
Well, this does not mean all relationships that start with the right motives and intentions always end in marriage.
Sometimes, walking out of a relationship may be the best, not because you didn’t have marriage in mind.
But from the onset, the motive or intent should be right.
A little digression, please. Teenage marriages are a thing now. And it will be wrong to outrightly rule out dating relationships for teenagers. Yes, Christian teenagers are inclusive.
Even though people feel teenagers are inexperienced for marriage, we still have teenagers getting married, especially ladies.
And maturity defies age sometimes. So, it can be wrong to go with the bias that being young might connote immaturity.
A wrong reason why some teenagers date is s3xual gratification.
Remember the Word of God instructs us about sexual purity. If fun or s3x is your motive to date, it’s wrong.
Yes. S3x is a gift from God. But s3x is meant to be within the confines of marriage.
Having s3x hiding under the shadow of dating is a scam, don’t be deceived. It’s simply called fornication.
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Are you intending to date because your friends are pressurizing you?
Or you are pressurized to do so because your friends are doing it too.
You need to be firm in your singleness till the right person comes along.
And if you are being pressured directly by your friends, you might need to stay away from them.
Ask yourself questions about what your motives are. Think about them, and be sincere with yourself if they are the right motives.
2. What’s your definition of love?
This is very important. What’s your definition of love? What do you think love is?
Do you just see love as a feeling? Well, you may be right. Maybe. It is part of love. Love can be felt, but that is not all there is to love.
You definitely will be physically attracted to the person you love, but that’s not what sustains relationships. Love is more than just a feeling.
Many Christian teen dating just goes straight to orchestrate a relationship on the whim of feelings.
Love is more than just a feeling.
As a teenager, do you think you’re ready for the level of commitment that comes with being in a relationship with someone?
3. Commitment and readiness: Are you ready to be committed to someone?
This is another big factor you should check out! Are you ready to be committed to someone at this time?
Are you ready for a level of commitment like that? You should be realistic with yourself.
Are you ready to accommodate being committed to someone? Do you know that being committed to someone means you put them in the equation in your decision-making?
You have to make some compromises and even some sacrifices on different levels.
You have to be sure you are ready to give that at this point of your life, as a teenager.
4. Time and Season: Do you think you should date at this time and season of your life?
The teenage years are not years to play around with. These are years to equip your arsenal for God’s use.
It’s for self-discovery, a time to know who you really are! Time to discover your purpose!
Years to find God, and chase Him with the whole of your heart.
Your adulthood will be a manifestation of what you built up in yourself throughout your teenage and youthful years.
If you are going to be in a dating relationship, that means it should bring you closer to God and drive you toward the lane of purpose.
And you should also consider the season God is saying you are in. Is there any specific instruction as to the season that you are in?
5. Do you have a standing relationship with God?
It is important to have a standing relationship with God, as a believer before you go into a relationship with another person.
6. What’s your purpose?
It will be pretty hard to define the kind of partner you can have without discovering purpose. You need to have discovered purpose, and be on the path of purpose before you go into a relationship.
7. God-Factor: What’s God saying?
I can’t afford to not talk about this. As much as you really want to date, you really need to know what God wants for you.
What’s God saying to you about it? Your decision has a lot to do with the future, carefully decide. Make sure that you are led when making your decision.
8. Are you emotionally mature and intelligent to handle a relationship?
There is a level of emotional maturity that is needed to handle a relationship. Can you afford someone to be in your emotional space?
Do you think you are emotionally intelligent enough and mature enough?
Dangers of Dating or Having a Girlfriend/Boyfriend prematurely
When I say “dating prematurely,” the judging factors are the factors I listed above. Here are the dangers or risks of dating prematurely.
1. Wrong Person
You are prone to being with someone you shouldn’t be dating if you date prematurely or for the wrong reasons.
Being with the wrong person can cost you a lot. They can drive you outside of the will of God, making you do things God wouldn’t approve of.
2. Emotional Damage
If you date haphazardly, you could end up being hurt emotionally. This could leave a mark on you emotionally. This may lead to finding it hard to love someone else again. It could lead to finding it hard to believe that people still love for real.
3. Waste of Time
You will be wasting your time, effort, and emotional investment dating prematurely. Time is precious. Time is the unit of life. If you are wasting time, we can argue that you are wasting time.
I hope I answer your question “is it a sin to have a girlfriend or boyfriend”. I will be waiting for your comments. God bless you.