Questions like, “are cuddles allowed? Can I cuddle my boyfriend/girlfriend? Is cuddling or spooning really a sin?” are part of the most asked questions among young Christians in dating relationships.
It is understandable because we are humans, and we crave intimacy – emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy.
Is Cuddling or Spooning a Sin? Can I Cuddle My Boyfriend/Girlfriend as a Christian?
One thing we all know that the Bible is big on is sexual purity – enjoying and fulfilling the purpose of sex in the right confine which is marriage.
If it is out of that confine, it is either fornication or adultery which is against the will of God.
Knowing well that sex before marriage is not God’s will for us, questions like, “how far can we go before marriage? Can we kiss? Can we cuddle or spoon?” and many other questions pop us from many sides.
For this specific blog post, we are focusing on, “is cuddling a sin? Can we cuddle?”
It might be pretty hard to give a universal law, rule, or answer, as to whether cuddling is a sin or not.
Now, here is what I can do for you. I will give you a set of questions to ask yourself. These questions will help you decide if it is something you should do or not. All you just need to do is be true to yourself while answering the questions.
Questions to Ask Yourself to Know Whether or Not to Cuddle Your Dating Partner
The purpose of these questions is to drive you to a choice that will honor God in your relationship. These questions are not in order of priority.
1. What is the intent of your heart?
Do you have a strong conviction towards having no sex or sexual activity before marriage?
Or somehow in your heart, you are wishing and hoping for an opportunity where you can just do some things with your partner? You know what I mean.
She said she is coming over to yours for a few hours, and you are already thinking of how you can go touching her under her clothes?
Now, I must say that this is way different from being physically attracted to your partner – which is great.
You are physically attracted to her. Of course, you might desire her sexually.
But you will be sure of your state of heart that you want to honor the Lord, honor her and yourself by waiting till you both get married.
With a foul intent of the heart, cuddling will set you up to easily move on to those things that you already had in your heart and mind.
What if you think you have good intent and you have solidly decided in your heart to have no sexual relations with your partner until marriage?
Is that enough a safe condition to cuddle?
Don’t conclude yet. Check the next question.
2. What is your sexual past?
Self-control might be harder for those who’ve had sexual experiences in the past before committing to sexual purity.
If you have had a sexual experience in the past, it will be wise to be proactive about boundaries while dating. Even seemingly non-sexual acts or forms of intimacy like cuddling might pose a danger.
3. Will you be ashamed if your parents meet you cuddling?
So, I was reading up on a blog, and it was stated how this is a very important thing to consider.
How will you feel if your parents, pastor, or any of your family members meet you cuddled up with your partner?
Will you feel ashamed as if it is a thing you should have not done at all? Your answer to that might be a pointer to whether you should be doing it or not.
There is a balance. I know it might be weird loving up with your partner, around parents.
But this feeling of being ashamed is something different from what I explained above.
If you know you will feel utterly ashamed and guilty if they meet you in that position, it is just advisable to desist from it.
4. Will your conscience be hurt?
In a way, I strongly feel that for you to have this question bugging your mind, you most likely are doing it already and feel guilty about it.
You might probably be here to justify if it is a sin or not. Many times, it’s not really about “is this a sin or not.”
It should be, “Is this really okay for me? Will it draw me away from God? Will it lead me to do things God doesn’t want? Is it really expedient?”
If you know your conscience is feeling hurt by it, it is advisable to stay away from it. Keeping a clean and clear conscience is very important.
5. Is cuddling or spooning a trigger for you?
A trigger is an event or situation that can cause someone to do something. If this act propels you to act in any improper way towards your partner, it is not advisable.
Now, if you have not been cuddling before, it might be hard to judge if it will be a trigger for you. Evaluate using other questions, and answer yourself if it is a wise thing to do in your case.
What If My Partner Feels Cuddles or Spooning is Harmless, while I Don’t Feel the Same?
There is this perspective where your partner feels and strongly thinks cuddling is a harmless non-sexual means of showing affection.
And this is not the same for you after evaluating yourself. In fact, you think it might put you in danger of being tempted. It might not be easy, but here is my advice for you.
- Communicate to your partner.
The first step you need to take is to tell them what you think. The way you tell them is as important as what you are telling them.
Communicate how you feel to them gently, and make them understand. This is important because if you are tempted to have sex, and you make a move on them, they might also be tempted in return.
If they are also really keen on sexual purity, and you let them know, they will consider you and compromise on what they think.
This is geared towards the best interest of the relationship – honoring God.
- Assure them of your love.
It is possible that some people just find cuddling an affectionate thing to do, without attaching sexual meaning to it.
But this is about the two of you, and the act is not okay for one of you. It might feel strange for the other party. You need to effectively communicate your love to them and reassure them that you love them wholeheartedly.
Let them know that you are not trying to deny them of showing them love or being affectionate towards them in a way they find okay.
Let them know this immediately after you tell them how cuddling me you feel uncomfortable and how it can lead to things you don’t intend to do. This will help the relationship.
- Remind them of your priorities
I believe the priority of every believer in a relationship or marriage is honoring God. Remind them that the point is to honor God.
If your partner is on the same page with you on honoring God, this should not be in any way close to being a deal breaker for them.
How to Not Make Waiting till Marriage Harder
It takes a lot to be disciplined in your relations with your partner.
You are both on a journey of sexual abstinence till marriage, but the fact that you are physically attracted to each other – which is a good thing, makes it a tough call.
That is why I had to create this section, “how to make waiting till marriage not hard.”
- Be accountable
Let your spiritual mentors or pastors, friends, and family members know about the relationship, and be involved in it. This helps keep you both in check, in your dealings with each other.
- Have boundaries
Create boundaries that will help you be able to forge on in the waiting till marriage. You’ll have to discuss this with your partner to agree on boundaries.
An example of a boundary could be no sleep-over and nothing like visiting each other anything past 7 PM. These are just examples.
- Focus on important things
You should spend time focusing on important things like your individual relationship with God. You can spend time praying and studying God’s word together. Sharing about your vision, plans, past, career, etc can be a way of building emotional intimacy.
I hope this really helped you, and I hope you have your answers to the question, “is cuddling or spooning a sin?” I pray that your personal and relationship life gives glory to the Lord always. Stay blessed.