Being horny is one of the things that makes many Christian feel unchristian. I understand this, and know this by experience.
And here you are feeling horny from time to time. And it is making you guilty, you are wondering if it is okay.
I need to say this. Everyone gets or should get horny. Yes, I also get horny (of course, I am human like everyone).
Being horny in itself is not a sin. God created us, the hormones in our body that produce the feeling of being horny.
Definitely, God did not create sin with us. He wants to express what we feel only in marriage.
Being horny is having a desire for physical intimacy, which can also either or not be a result of a stimulus or trigger.
Being a Christian does not remove these urges, desires, and feelings. Because indeed, it is a part of us, that needs expression – in the right confines.
Chill! Chill! Chill!
Before you run along, saying “oh yeah, that guy from that Christian blog said it ain’t bad.” Can you stay with me?
As much as being it is in itself not a sin, I need to ask you, what are you doing about it? Especially now that you are unmarried as a Christian?
What Makes People Get Horny?
There are different reasons why anyone can get h0rny. I will try to cover as many as possible.
All these reasons might not be the only reasons for being horny.
So, just follow me keenly to be able to understand.
1. Being horny is very natural
Yes, you saw that right.
Being horny is a part of you as a human being. You will naturally desire physical intimacy with the opposite sex. It is part of your make up as a human being.
For ladies, there are days during the menstrual cycle, just before ovulation when there are changes in horm0ne levels, thereby causing increased horniness.
This is physiologically normal, and you don’t need to be guilty about it.
2. Age can be a factor
In your late teens and 20s, being horny can really be a huge thing.
The specific age may differ for different people based on gender and body.
I was watching a video a while ago where a lady said there is a point in a woman’s life around her mid 20’s where it feels like she’s readily horny.
She is a lady, and I can take it from her, as the truth.
Personally, as a guy in his 20s, I can tell you that being horny is a real thing.
The urge is real, and I think everybody is wired that way but it can be controlled.
Also, I was reading up on some articles recently where I learned that there is a phase called peri-menopause, a phase of transitioning to menopause that women experience.
Some women in this phase have claimed to have experienced a crazy increase in their libido (horniness).
3. Physical attraction
If you have a partner, especially if it is a new relationship, there is always this spark – a strong desire you have for them.
As a Christian dating couple, it is expected that nothing that should be done among relationship people should not be on the relationship table.
Nevertheless, this does not mean Christian dating couples don’t desire themselves.
Desiring your partner, is a real thing, and it is normal among dating couples.
You should actually be physically attracted to your partner.
So, if you are in this stage, know that it is physically and psychologically normal. This calls for boundaries and self-control.
4. What you see, hear, read or do.
As much as having urges, being horny can be natural and involuntary, they can also be triggered. It can be a response to a stimulus.
In a world where there are a lot of adult stuff, most especially in the online world.
Content filled with so much adult scenes is readily available everywhere on social media.
You can’t expect to feed your eyes with adult movies and think your body won’t respond by getting horny and aroused
I watched some movie series with adult scenes at some point.
And I’m pretty sensitive to visuals, this got me going down a lane I shouldn’t. It bred lust in my heart.
And sometimes, one doesn’t even have to look for adult movies
You might just be on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram, and then boom, adult content shows up
I think this is more common with Twitter where it shows you content liked by people you are following, not just the content from people you are following.
Basically what you feed on matters a lot, in this.
And it feels like a battle we must be ready to fight every time, in a world like ours where adult stuff is heavily painted in movies, novels, songs, social media, etc.
5. Triggers.
Also, you cannot be so much physical contact with someone, doing heavily intimate activities, and expect to be horny. It is just normal.
It is more like you are preparing the body for physical intimacy. Your brain will receive the signals, and get you in the mood.
How to Deal with Horniness as a Christian?
The problem might not necessarily be having urges or being horny.
Our body is wired to be horny, it is an healthy desire.
The desire might come off as strong in some particular phase of our living.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are just being human, showing signs of good health.
And no, these things ain’t like a switch that you can turn off when you are not married, and then turn on when you are married (laughs). That is what some Christians make it look like.
Probably some people have made you feel like you should not be feeling how you feel.
I am sorry to say they are wrong. You are not alone in this.
It is about how you deal with it, knowing that you are committed to having physical intimacy only in the confine of marriage.
And I am guessing that you are yet to get married, hence the question, “how to deal with being horny as a Christian?”
Dealing with being horny can be hard, but it is not impossible as we have the Spirit of God who gives us the ability to control ourselves. How can we deal with horniness as a Christian?
1. Walk in the Spirit
Actively engage the Holyspirit, study the Bible, pray in the Holy Spirit, and fellowship with other believers.
This is one sure way to help you keep your desires in check.
See what Apostle Paul said in Galatians 5:16, “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.
2. Don’t trigger the desires
Don’t feed on the content or do things that can stir those desires.
And you have to be intentional about making your social media space clean.
Block out people who post adult content.
Follow people who post healthy and godly content that can help you in any way.
Don’t engage in conversations that can aid the desire.
You should guard the content you feed on, like movies, songs, novels, etc.
This is where you will need to be proactive.
At some points, I had to start muting some people on Twitter once they popped up on my feed.
This is because of the content they post.
If you are in a relationship, don’t engage in activities that will make waiting till marriage harder.
3. Focus on something else when you feel the desire
You can engage in any activity that can take up your focus and attention, helping you to subside your desires.
If you feel aroused, paying attention to it might make it hard to deal with.
And also when the desires come or when one feels aroused, it is actually like one can’t even focus on another thing.
It might seem a little hard to shift focus, but with practice and time doing it, it gets easier.
To be able to do this, you should do activities that can take up all of your attention.
It might be reading the bible, or a book for you, and it might be something else.
4. Talk to someone
If you feel like this is a struggle for you, you can have an accountability partner who you can always talk to when you feel these things.
This will help you to keep yourself in check.
I know it can be harder to find someone to who one can be vulnerable, many times.
Especially at our young age, not knowing who’d make us feel bad for what we feel.
Or actually, give us the help we need.
You can decide to join a community of believers, where you constantly talk about God and the things of God.
It might be an online Christian group or a youth group offline.
It is a good place to find people who could help.
And when you are talking to someone about these things, ensure that it is someone of the same gender as you.
5. Ask the Holy Spirit for help
I can’t but emphasize this.
You can just say a simple prayer, like “Holy Spirit, I feel so horny right now.
And I feel like acting on it, but I know I should not. Help me, please.”
This may feel a little somehow. Like, “you want me to talk to God about me feeling horny?”
Most often than not, we are not taught to call God for help in cases like this.
And as a matter of fact, who is more fit to help if not the One who created us, and gave us these desires we feel?
Of course, He can help us with self-control.
Holy Spirit is our help, and we must cultivate the habit of leaning on him for help, even when we feel h0rny.
5. Don’t turn to helping yourself out
I know the subject of helping yourself out is a debate among many believers.
But beyond the debate on whether it is a sin or not, I’d strongly advise that you do not turn to easing yourself, as this can lead to addiction.
Yeah, it might seem to make some sense to do it on the spot, but in the long run, it will make you have a higher drive.
You will feel hornier on the long run – you won’t find it easy to stop if you give in. So, don’t give in at all.
Then, you will turn to it again, and again, till it becomes a cycle and addiction.
And most importantly, you are giving room for lust, which you should not.
And if you have indulged already, repent, God forgives. Draw close to God in fellowship
Difference Between Lust and Horniness
I know that this question might bug you, “can these desires transcend to lust? What is the difference between being horny and lusting?”
Some Christians think that what Jesus talked about lusting was only about looking at a woman.
No, it is not just about thinking about physical intimacy.
At some point in your life, the thoughts might pop up in your mind more than you want.
I am not even ashamed to say that the thoughts pop up in my mind.
And yeah, it will continue to pop up. This might be because of the desires that comes with me being youthful.
Now, you must keep these thoughts in check.
Subject them to the word of God. Because if you think about them, you may end up giving room for lust.
Once those thoughts pop up in your mind, just show them the way out.
Lust most often has thoughts strung along, but thinking about adult stuff does not equate to lust directly.
Yeah, I know it is getting pretty confusing. I will explain.
If lusting is not exactly about that, then what is lust?
First let me dissect the words of Jesus where He talked about it in the Bible, for us to understand it better.
Matthew 5:27-28 says, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘you shall not commit adultery’. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Now, this is not only about looking at a man or woman, it is about the intention of the heart.
I hate to bore you with a lot of Greek and Hebrew root words in the Bible.
But we need to understand this, to save ourselves from false guilt. I will try to make this as simple as possible.
This is a whole study on its own, but I’m going to try to keep it as simple as possible.
The root Greek word that was translated to “lust after” is “epithumeo,” which is equal in meaning to the Hebrew word that was translated to “covet” in Exodus 20:17.
A part of Exodus 20:17 says, “… Thou shalt not covet your neighbor’s wife…”
It felt like Jesus was re-emphasizing this commandment, in Matthew 5:27-28. You can try to look up the two verses.
With this background I gave, let me make these points.
Lust constitutes of
- will/intention of the heart
- and the wrong confine.
Will or the Intention of the Heart.
If you read the explanation I gave above, then this will be easy to understand.
Lusting is not just about looking at a woman. It is not just about desiring to be physical with someone.
It is more of the state of the heart plus the confine, for desiring those things.
Lust is a desire to obtain something that you are not meant to have.
It is the will or intention in the heart to seek out what you are not meant to.
At that point when you in your heart decide to seek out what you are not meant to, that is lust.
Sin happens in the heart, before the action takes place, at all.
Wrong Confines
Besides the intention of the heart, the wrong confine also defines lust.
If you are married, and you see your wife, and you are like, “whoof! She’s hot!”
And you desire to have her, would it be lust?
Of course, it is not lust. You can desire your wife. You should desire your wife in that way.
I don’t know if this has happened to you before. You get to meet a far-away cousin, and you are like “whoof, she fine! Oh, man!”
But then it is not more than that because she’s your cousin!
That is a wrong confine, you know this, and you don’t seek to pursue it in your heart.
So, it stays and dies at that.
I hope you are getting the point I am making with the context of wrong confines.
I said all of these to say this, “lust is a desire with intention in your heart to seek out that which you are not meant to seek.”
If horniness is not handled well, it can lead to lust.
Let us look at James 1:14-15, “But each one is tempted when he is drawn by his own desires and enticed. Then when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin…”
If you feed your desires with things that can aid it, you will find out that your heart will yield to lust at a point.
So, be careful what you feed on. What you watch. What you read.
What you discuss. Situations you place yourself. What you listen to. Be careful of them all.
Final Words
Allow Holy Spirit to take control. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. Holy Spirit can help you be self-controlled.
You can drop comments in the comment section; I will be waiting to hear from you.
If you have any questions, you can drop them in the comment section.
You are continually helped by God. Keep growing in God.
